Johannes, The 19th

So her name is Cordelia! That’s a pretty name, and that’s quite important. It would be disconcerting to have to use an ugly name in connection with tender attributions.

I recognized her a long way off, she was walking with two other girls. They walked in a way that suggested they would soon be stopping; I stood at a corner reading a poster while watching my unknown.

As they took leave of one another, she set off toward my corner. After she had taken a few steps, one of the other girls comes running after her ‘Cordelia, Cordelia’! After a private conference, they went off in greater haste toward that direction the two girls had taken before, and I followed. I waited a long time for Cordelia to emerge alone, but this never happened.

That I really am in love I can tell among other things by the secrecy, even to myself, with which I treat this matter.

It’s almost gratifying to get to know not her address, but a place she frequents. This way I can conduct my investigations without attracting her attention, and from this fixed point it shouldn’t be too difficult to gain access to her family.

Johannes, The 20th

Today I got some information about the house she disappeared into. It’s a widow, called Jansen, with three blessed daughters - a veritable treasure trove of information.

The abundance of information is clear, the challenge is to understand it when raised to the third power, since all three talk at once.

She’s called Cordelia Wahl, the daughter of a navy captain. He died some years ago, and the mother too. Now she lives in this house with her aunt, who is said to resemble her harsh and stern brother.

They never visit the house, but Cordelia often visits them. She and the two girls take courses at the Royal Kitchens. All in all they live a very secluded life.

So then, she has some conception of life’s pains, of its darker side. And the memories belong to her early years, she has lived under their horizon without knowing it. Such things usually produce pride, insofar as they don’t crush. That’s a very good thing, it has saved her womanliness, and can be used to raise her to a higher level if one knows how to bring it out.

Johannes, The 21st

She lives by the ramparts; not one of the best localities.

No neighbors to strike up an acquaintance with, no inconspicuous public place from which to observe unnoticed.

From the street one can almost see the windows to the courtyard - that is presumably where her bedroom is.

Johannes, The 22nd

I saw her today for the first time at Mrs. Jansen’s. I was introduced, and she didn’t take much note of me. She stayed only a moment, she had only called to fetch the daughters to go to the Royal Kitchens.

We waited for the Jansen girls to get dressed, just us two in the drawing room. I made a few cool, almost nonchalant remarks to her, returned with courtesy, then they left. I did not offer to accompany them.

I preferred instead to leave a moment after they had gone, but considerably faster and by another street, such that as they turned into Store Kongensgade I rushed past them in great haste, without greeting or anything, to their great astonishment.

Johannes, The 23rd

Gaining access to the house looks like it will be a long and drawn-out affair. Never have I known a family to live so isolated. Not a shred to seize on, not even a distant cousin to walk arm-in-arm with.

I go about with one arm constantly hanging free, always kept at readiness, designed for unexpected returns, in case there should appear far in the distance some remote relative or friend who I could take lightly by the arm - then clamber aboard.

In any case, it is wrong of the family to live so isolated; one deprives the girl of the opportunity to get to know the world, not to mention what other dangerous consequences this may have. It never pays.

Such isolation may well protect one against petty thievery. In a hospitable and open house, opportunity makes a thief. But from girls of that kind there is not much to steal. When they are sixteen, their hearts are already completed samplers, and I have never cared to write my name where others have already written.

Updated: